Making friends as an adult is hard. Whether we've recently had to start over because of a breakup, relocation, or our values change after therapy or recovery, it can be difficult to know how to make meaningful connections. Here is what I did after getting divorced (and what research says about making new friends).
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Each month, I will be sharing a guest piece written by someone from my online community. October’s submission is a poetic piece by guest writer and Wounds to Wisdom alumn, Maritza Padilla. I’m humbled by the writing I received, and I’m proud as hell to share a space with so many courageous individuals who are willing to share their stories. The work of destigmatizing mental health is a community one, and I’m honored to share this space.
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Each month, I will be sharing a guest piece written by someone from my online community. September’s submissions included pieces about suicide in honor of Suicide Prevention Month. I’m humbled by the writing I received, and I’m proud as hell to share a space with so many courageous individuals who are willing to share their stories. The work of destigmatizing mental health is a community one, and I’m honored to share this space.
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Lately I have been in deep conversation with my therapist around love. After getting divorced in 2020, I really never thought I’d be open to love again. I was certain that Josh was the only man I’d ever love. Certain that I’d given him all my love, and that I’d have no more to give even if I was open to it again. Certain that he was the best love I’d ever receive, and to hope for something as good as, let alone better, would be a hopeless mission.
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“I’m angry at myself, because I still think that at the root, it’s my fault we got divorced. And maybe, it’s what I’ve been holding onto for almost a year. I think it’s why I haven’t really, truly let go of him.”
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I’ve been in therapy for a LONG time. More than half my life.
I’m 33.
I’m divorced.
I’ve been to intensive outpatient therapy for an ED.
I’ve been hospitalized for attempts to end my life.
I’ve tried CBT, DBT, EMDR, Existential/humanistic therapy, ACT….
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On Monday, June 6, we got in a taxi and headed to Puerto Vallarta. We’d booked a studio and AirBnb for a week, and were as ready as we could be to embark on a project that neither of us had ever done, but one that sparked our creative juices and promised us an adventure of learning, play, and fulfillment.
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This three-step process is what I follow to do my inner child work.
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Hopelessness. Depression. Grief. Mourning. Anxiety. Trepidation. These are the feelings that cloud my morning wake-state. The slippery space between sleeping and waking. A fog and heavy cloud of doubt and desperation that oozes my subconscious. And the not knowing if it is my real existence or just a dream.
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