Making friends as an adult is hard. Whether we've recently had to start over because of a breakup, relocation, or our values change after therapy or recovery, it can be difficult to know how to make meaningful connections. Here is what I did after getting divorced (and what research says about making new friends).
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The last time I cried at the airport I was 11 years old.
My family and I were moving halfway across the world—a move that filled me with rage for my parents & a fear of loneliness I’d never felt before.
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Lately I have been in deep conversation with my therapist around love. After getting divorced in 2020, I really never thought I’d be open to love again. I was certain that Josh was the only man I’d ever love. Certain that I’d given him all my love, and that I’d have no more to give even if I was open to it again. Certain that he was the best love I’d ever receive, and to hope for something as good as, let alone better, would be a hopeless mission.
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“I’m angry at myself, because I still think that at the root, it’s my fault we got divorced. And maybe, it’s what I’ve been holding onto for almost a year. I think it’s why I haven’t really, truly let go of him.”
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I care deeply about how my actions impact those around me, and pay attention to when the limits of my responsibility are met so that I don’t extend beyond the boundary of prioritizing my wellness or maintaining integrity of my identity. Beyond these boundaries is the realm of emotional babysitting, and that is what I am no longer participating in.
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