Blog — Rachel Havekost

Individuals — whether trained in listening skills or not, have their own adapted skills as listeners. I have broken down my observations of these skills over my 31 years of life (no research guys, just observation and experience, so don’t freak out, it’s an idea not a scientific theory) into the “Four Listening Types.”

RelationshipsRachel HavekostMarch 10, 2020listening, listening skills, microskills, counseling skills, better listener, relationships, communicationComment

A Lesson in Emotional Boundaries

I started to think about restructuring my emotional boundaries. About being honest with myself about the work I’ve done and the work that needs to be done. I imagined myself as a little girl, first learning about her emotions, how others actions impact her feelings, and how she impacts other people’s emotions. What would I teach her so that she understood where the boundary lay? What lessons would I hope she learned?

RelationshipsRachel HavekostFebruary 9, 2020boundaries, emotional boundaries, enmeshment, therapy, coping skills, re-parenting, parenting, dont be a dickComment

Yes, I Fight With My Husband.

Yesterday, before heading out for my afternoon plans, my husband said to me, “Rachel, I have to tell you something.” Fuck. What did I do. I could tell he was nervous — he had that look on his face that said I am so sorry I know this is going to make you upset, but I’m trying so hard to be really nice and sweet while I say it. I nodded and gave him my I’m ready for this, I’m a strong, powerful, confident woman, and braced myself for criticism with my super-coping cape.

RelationshipsRachel HavekostJanuary 26, 2020attachment, attachment theory, relationships, criticism, defensive, pride, ego, fighting, fighting with your husband, loveComment

Boundaries are hard

I started googling, “who created the concept of boundaries” and “what therapy first talked about boundaries” and “where did the idea of boundaries come from in psychology?” I saw dozens of articles like “10 Ways to Effectively Set Boundaries” or “What to do When Your Boundaries Aren’t Respected” and “5 Different Types of Boundaries to Set” and I was overwhelmed.

RelationshipsRachel HavekostJanuary 24, 2020boundaries, relationships, setting boundaries, coping skills, DBT, dialectical behavior therapy, therapyComment

5 Love Languages: What They Are and How They Improve Relationships

I used to live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. In love, I operated under the assumption that to show my partner I loved him, I should do what I would want him to do for me. After all, that’s how you express love, right?

Wrong.

RelationshipsRachel HavekostDecember 29, 2019coping skills, relationships, communication, love, love language, 5 love languages, therapy, therapy skills, therapy tools, communication tips, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, editors picksComment

Tips for Better Communication

Communication is hard. Let’s be real. It seems so simple in our heads, yet when we try and put our thoughts and feelings into words it seems to get tangled up and misconstrued by the recipient. That’s why it’s so important we establish better communication skills.

RelationshipsRachel HavekostDecember 26, 2019Communication, relationship, relationships, dbt, interpersonal effectiveness, coping skills, dialectical behavior therapy, brene brown, the story i'm telling myself, most popularComment