“I don’t know why I just wake up and cannot bring myself to start anything. I feel like I’m having a mid-life existential crisis but I don’t know if it’s because I’m not happy with what I’m doing or that I’m just not seeing how wonderful it is. Like am I just wearing really shitty colored glasses?”

I’m a suicide survivor who attended the Crisis Now Summit in Amsterdam this June. Here was my experience.

Last week I told my therapist I wasn’t feeling motivated or passionate anymore. She said that often times people with a history of trauma, chronic stress, or mental illness can see a decline in executive functioning, which can explain low motivation. Here’s what she suggested.

For years I’ve felt the impact of shared stories in safe spaces and I fully believe that because I’ve been able to share my story and hear the stories of others, I’m still alive today. When I was invited to attend the screening of “Moving America’s Soul on Suicide,” I wanted to understand why storytelling could have such a profoundly positive impact on my mental health. How can hearing a complete stranger’s story of overcoming hardship--even if it’s a hardship I’ve never experienced--transform and illuminate my own suffering into hope and possibility?

In the last three years, I have had HUNDREDS of impasses where I feel utterly lost.

Being a writer/creator/entrepreneur/whatever the fuck my job role is can be liberating. And, the freedom of working for myself and creating my own life from scratch doesn’t come with socially constructed boundaries—there’s no roadmap for my life and I often feel like an architect without a blueprint…

Each month, I will be sharing a guest piece written by someone from my online community. October’s submission is a poetic piece by guest writer and Wounds to Wisdom alumn, Maritza Padilla. I’m humbled by the writing I received, and I’m proud as hell to share a space with so many courageous individuals who are willing to share their stories. The work of destigmatizing mental health is a community one, and I’m honored to share this space.

Each month, I will be sharing a guest piece written by someone from my online community. September’s submissions included pieces about suicide in honor of Suicide Prevention Month. I’m humbled by the writing I received, and I’m proud as hell to share a space with so many courageous individuals who are willing to share their stories. The work of destigmatizing mental health is a community one, and I’m honored to share this space.

I’ve been in therapy for a LONG time. More than half my life.

I’m 33.
I’m divorced.
I’ve been to intensive outpatient therapy for an ED.
I’ve been hospitalized for attempts to end my life.

I’ve tried CBT, DBT, EMDR, Existential/humanistic therapy, ACT….

On Monday, June 6, we got in a taxi and headed to Puerto Vallarta. We’d booked a studio and AirBnb for a week, and were as ready as we could be to embark on a project that neither of us had ever done, but one that sparked our creative juices and promised us an adventure of learning, play, and fulfillment.