Top 5 Mental Health Tips From 18 Years in Therapy
In honor of World Mental Health Day, I have compiled a list of my favorite practices for wellness.
This list has been curated from the 18 years I've been in therapy and combines therapeutic interventions, at-home practices, skills, and gentle reminders.
Use this list however feels best--whether as something to tuck away for a difficult day or something to share with loved ones who might need it.
1. Rest.
One of the most important lessons I've learned in 18 years of therapy is to take a goddamn break. Even healing requires rest. I used to be a chronic people-pleaser, overachiever, yes-saying spontaneous-doer, perfectionist, type-A, Capricornian with absolutely no regard for my emotional, physical, or mental battery.
Learning to take breaks and actually REST—and when I say rest I don't mean taking a break from work to workout or taking a break from working out to go into town, I mean the act of doing nothing—was one of the most powerful tools for my mental health. Our systems NEED to recharge. Not just when we sleep, otherwise the whole function of our nervous system, cognitive abilities, and physical functions go awry.
For more about the importance of rest, read my blog post on healing burnout.
2. Nervous System Health
Rest was a major component in my Nervous System health. When I learned more about the way my nervous system works, I learned that so much of my depression, anxiety, and self-perception was rooted in an unhealthy, imbalanced nervous system.
Trauma and stress wreak havoc on the Nervous System. While many therapeutic interventions support trauma recovery, I found tending to my Nervous System health massively improved my ability to overcome patterns in my thoughts, behaviors, and fears that were rooted in old unresolved trauma.
To learn more about how the nervous system works (or breaks) read my medium article.
3. Dialectics "both/and"
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) changed my life. When I went to Eating Disorder treatment in 2015, I was introduced to DBT for the first time. DBT skills are life-changing, and I truly believe they should be taught in school.
DBT is a psychoeducational-based model, meaning a lot of what this kind of therapy does is educate. There are three main components of DBT:
Interpersonal Effectiveness (how we communicate and interact with others)
Emotional Regulation (how we manage, regulate, and cope with our emotions)
Distress Tolerance (how we cope with high-stress situation or intolerable emotions)
Mindfulness (how we remain present and in touch with our physical bodies)
The culmination of these four concepts led me to be a much healthier human in mind, body, and soul. I learned to set boundaries, connect with my emotional self, handle stress and panic, and stay in the here and now (which prevented a lot of suffering).
My biggest takeaway from DBT was the concept of dialectics: the notion that two seemingly contradictory things can exist at the same time: the concept of both/and. If you've been here a while you've heard me use this statement many times.
This concept has helped me in every area of my life. When I feel physically shitty but emotionally well. When I am pissed at someone who I also love. When I believe fully that the universe has my back and that the way life is going sucks big time and I can't see a way out. When I started to honor these juxtapositions in my life and in my body, I stopped resisting my life as much.
4. Somatic Healing
Ah yes, dancing. Shaking. Using the body as a vehicle for mental wellness. You all are aware of the fact that I am a huge fan of dancing. It's not just because I love to dance (which I do). It's also because shaking/jumping/moving our bodies with music releases stress hormones and re-wires the brain and nervous system.
Using the body is a powerful (and free) way to feel better.
These days, I shake/jump around for a few minutes after anything even slightly stressful to move any adrenaline or cortisol through my body.
When I walk, I try to think about pulling my shoulders back and my hips forward to communicate to my brain that I am safe and confident. Rather than being in a hunched state (which communicates fear or insecurity), I aim to use my posture as a way to tell my brain how to feel.
I try and take deep breaths, focusing on my exhales to activate my parasympathetic nervous system and calm me down.
When I can, I take freezing showers to regulate my adrenal glands.
These might seem simple or even silly. But I promise they help.
For more about somatic healing, read my Medium article on Dancing, Shaking, and the Nervous System.
5. Talk to someone
Ah, my least favorite. And yet, effective. When I am sad, scared, or insecure, I try to cope all on my own (or not at all). Isolating is my go-to, and I am the queen of hiding away. I am constantly working on changing this pattern and leaning toward people instead of away. This doesn't mean solely relying on others for my emotional wellness. No. This means talking to my friends when things are bad, and when they are good. This means sharing my world with people without needing something in return or only when I need something.
This means connecting for the sake of connecting simply so that I know I am not alone.
Asking for help is part of this—this means if I feel sad and need a hug I ask a friend for a hug. This means if I'm stuck in a problem I ask a friend if they have space for a phone call. This means seeing my therapist on days when I think everything is fine, because my well-being is about maintenance and not crisis control.
If you have no one to talk to, journal. Pray. Write. Find a way to take the thoughts and feelings from the body and put them out into the world somewhere.
You can also read this article I wrote on coping with loneliness. I love you.
This list could probably extend far beyond just five, and (see what I did there—not a but, an and! hello dialectics), I don’t want to overwhelm you.
If you’re needing more tips or support, feel free to comment, email me, or send me a message on Instagram. If I can help, I will.
Sending you lots of love,
Rachel
>>Learn more about Rachel’s journey with Eating Disorder recovery, depression, divorce, & finding comfort in the discomfort of living in her memoir, Where the River Flows.
>>Subscribe to Rachel’s Substack publication, The Messy Middle to read honest stories of living with uncertainty, mental illness, & life in the messy middle.
>>Follow Rachel’s daily life on instagram, and get inspired daily with reminders to dance & embrace being a messy human.