How Breathwork Motivated Me When I Stopped Caring About, Well, Everything
A year ago, I stopped feeling motivated to do almost anything.
I spent most mornings dissociating in my living room, feeling anxious, and struggling to start the simplest tasks.
I wasn’t depressed—I’ve been depressed before and this wasn’t that. It was almost as if I just could not get my body and brain on the same wavelength, and no matter how much I knew I needed to complete a task, I just couldn’t begin.
My therapist suggested I try integrating somatic exercises into my day—not necessarily first thing in the morning when I was already low-motivation, but sometime in the afternoon when I’d usually start to find some energy.
“It seems to me that you’re struggling with what’s called executive functioning.”
“Executive functioning,” she went on, “is a process in the brain that helps you pay attention, plan, and control impulses. It’s normal for executive functioning to decline as we age, and often times we see a loss of executive functioning in folks who have experienced chronic stress.”
Even though I’m at baseline and stable in my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety, the HISTORY of my brain and body experiencing those illness left a mark: the chronic stress of enduring both the diseases and recovery put my brain in constant survival mode.
And when the brain is in survival mode, it doesn’t need those higher-order functions (i.e. singular focus or reducing distractions; the brain wants to be hypervigilant and able to know what’s going on everywhere, always).
“Ok, so what can I do?” I asked her.
“Breathe.”
I will be participating in Open’s 14-day “Mental Detox” breathwork program, and I’d love to have you join me for free!
This is not the first time a therapist has reminded me to get out of my head and into my body.
Every time, though, it pisses me off, because it seems too simple. How is “being in my body” going to help my brain?
I’ve been an avid researcher of these “bottom-up” approaches.
Somatic therapy (breathwork, dance, movement, anything with the body) are ways to use the body to activate, change, or communicate with the mind. The mind and body are connected, but very often (especially in Western culture) we prioritize the mind, thinking it has more power, knowledge, or influence than the body. The reality is they work in tandem, simultaneously, and without priority.
“Bottom-up” approaches mean using the body to signal “up” to the brain.
Have you ever heard someone say to stand like a superhero before going into an interview? This is a bottom-up approach: we use an open, high postured stance to communicate to the brain that we are powerful: the brain doesn’t know any different, it just senses our body expressing “power,” and the brain starts to think “powerfully.”
Despite knowing this, I was still unconvinced. When I’m in a funk I have this lovely tendency to be stubbornly uninterested in the advice of people who might know a thing or two.
“Ok, so, just, breathe? I’m literally breathing right now. It’s not helping.”
My therapist giggled and tilted her head to the side. Gently she sat up to shift her weight, as if to get more comfortable. As if to communicate, “your apathy doesn’t concern me. This is solvable.”
“Think of your brain as a body with an injury. Right now, your brain is inflamed, tired, and stiff. It might take a little time, but you need to give your brain the chance to slow down and regulate before you try and make it train really hard.”
My therapist knows I love a good analogy.
“I’m obviously not a breathwork teacher, but there are plenty of apps that have good teachers and courses. You’re good at research. I bet you can find one.”
Again, she knows me.
I decided to give breathwork a try, and despite my resistance, it worked.
Months prior, a friend of mine (who is far more into the breathwork/somatic scene than I am) had recommended the Open app. I wasn’t in a space at the time to try it (probably being stubborn, probably convinced I knew everything). I figured now was as good a time as any, so I downloaded the app and found the first class that seemed long enough to help me relax, but not so long that I couldn’t focus.
I won’t lie, it was hard at first.
Not hard in the sense that it was physically demanding or difficult to follow—the music was actually way more engaging than I was expecting and the instructor was genuinely personable and easy to listen to. It was hard because I was struggling like a MF to connect to my breath and stay focused, and I was frustrated with myself.
Damn—I thought—I really can’t sit with my own breath for 5 minutes.
I reminded myself that the first time I went to a yoga class or running or tried weight lifting I felt the same frustration. My body was not yet adjusted to moving in those ways, and I needed to continue showing up to not only feel capable, but experience the benefits.
For the next two weeks, I did one breathwork class a day on the Open app.
Some classes were designed to help me focus (eyo—hitting that singular focus) while others taught me how to use my breath to regulate and calm down (which now helps me when I feel stressed to avoid that chronic-stress response).
I’ve been using the Open app for 4 months now, and having a consistent practice (yes, I miss days and forget and still avoid practicing sometimes, I’m human) has noticeably improved my mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing.
Every few months Open does special programs or challenges which are helpful for people like MOI who have a tendency to fall off track and/or love a little structure. This May for mental health month, Open is doing a 14-day “Mental Detox” program, which you can do with me for free using my code RACHELHAVEKOST or by clicking the link below.
Here’s what I’ve noticed since starting breathwork:
1. More motivation
It is way easier for me to start my daily tasks. I spend less time puttering around, procrastinating, and dissociating. It’s not like I magically feel passionate or jacked up about what I’m about to do—it’s that I can simply sit down and begin a task without the anxiety or ruminating dread around how hard the task will be to complete.
2. Sharper focus
The amount of multi-tasking we’ve been positively reinforced for culturally is baffling to me. Talk about training the brain to stay in survival mode. I used to be so proud of being able to multitask (it was on the top of my resume!).
Now, I’m proud when I can singular-task. The ability to remain focused on one task for up to an hour without checking my phone, stopping to pluck a leg hair, or discover I’ve been staring out the window is a godsend (and not that I want to glamorize productivity—this also applies to social situations and the ability to really listen to a friend, engage in conversations, and be present with the ones I love).
3. Better memory
What do you think happens when we can actually focus on one thing? Yep. We remember that one thing. I have noticed I remember names better, stories, and important events. My brain is functioning less in survival mode, which means memories aren’t getting skipped, they’re getting stored (let’s go hippocampus!)
4. Less stress, anxiety, and agitation
I am less prone to mini-rage attacks (please tell me I’m not the only one who has these lol), feeling overly stressed about things that wouldn’t ordinarily bother me, and general anxiety about day to day shit. I feel, calm bro. Not like, zen yogi calm (maybe one day lol), but as if life feels less urgent, less rushed, and more possible.
5. Sex is so much better WOW
From someone with a history of sexual trauma, let me just start by saying that getting out my head ALONE is a win in the bedroom. Orgasm or not, if I can be present with my body and the sensations in my body, we are winning girly pop.
But oh my GOD, breathwork has changed not only my ability to get out of my head and in my body, but actually feel my body. I can feel the hairs on my arm, my blood pumping (everywhere), the heat of my skin, the touch of someone else. I’m totally alive in my body without distraction, and because my brain isn’t stuck in survival mode, I’m free to experience pleasure.
Breathwork works, if you work it.
Yes, I still struggle to get myself to practice, AND, it’s only 5-10 minutes out of my entire day, and the benefits far outlast that tiny amount of time.
Starting May 1st, I plan to do Open’s 14-day Mental Detox—join me for free using my code RACHELHAVEKOST or following this link.
What to Expect in the Free Mental Detox Reset
The “Mental Detox” is a 14-day breathwork program that essentially follows four stages that my therapist told me I needed to take my brain through:
Focus: alleviate overwhelm and rumination
Regulate: ease stress and anxiety
Activate: overcome lethargy and lack of motivation
Breakthrough: release emotional residue and feelings of being stuck
Registration is open NOW, and if you’re like me and are a wee bit forgetful (no shame, we’re human!), make sure you get signed up TODAY so you don’t forget.
How to Participate in the Free Mental Detox
Sign up for the reset using this link: https://go.o-p-e-n.com/RACHELHAVEKOST
Head to the Open App on your mobile device and click “Mental Detox” on the top of the community page, or search “Mental Detox” using the search icon
Click “FOCUS” to start phase one and learn about the 14-day program
Once you start, you’ll have access to all the classes for 30 days free
Find a comfortable, safe place to practice. I recommend a yoga mat in your room, seated on a couch or pillow, or even laying down in bed. As long as you feel safe and won’t be disturbed.
See you at the detox!
XX
Rachel
*Disclaimer, I am not a licensed medical professional. Always consult your doctor, therapist, or health professional and do your own research before making decisions about your health.
References:
Balban, M. Y., Neri, E., Kogon, M. M., Weed, L., Nouriani, B., Jo, B., Holl, G., Zeitzer, J. M., Spiegel, D., & Huberman, A. D. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xcrm.2022.100895
Gerritsen, R. J. S., & Band, G. P. H. (2018). Breath of Life: The Respiratory Vagal Stimulation Model of Contemplative Activity. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 12(12). https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2018.00397
Girotti, M., Adler, S. M., Bulin, S. E., Fucich, E. A., Paredes, D., & Morilak, D. A. (2018). Prefrontal cortex executive processes affected by stress in health and disease. Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology and Biological Psychiatry, 85, 161–179. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pnpbp.2017.07.004