Why I’m Choosing Gratitude Instead of Resolution This New Years
I remember the first time someone taught me how to wish upon a star.
I was in Richmond, B.C., a small coastal city just south of Vancouver. It was cold outside, and dark. My uncle had corralled me and my three cousins to walk from their home to the rocky waterfront park to see the stars. Bundled up, we looked up into the sky, searching for stars at the instruction of uncle B.
“When you find one you like, make a wish. If you really want it to, it will come true.”
I found the brightest star I could see. I squinted and looked at it real hard. With every fiber in my tiny little being, I pursed my lips and whispered, “I wish to be perfect.”
For the next 15 years of my life, this was my wish. I wished it upon the stars at night. When I blew the petals off of dandelions. On eyelashes. So too, being perfect became my New Years Resolution. Every year on December 31st, I resolved to be perfect.
As I grew older, I masked this resolution with more “sophisticated” resolutions, and I fooled myself into thinking my resolutions had nothing to do with perfectionism: These resolutions are about self-improvement! I assured myself. I’m resolving to do better—be better, hallelujah!
Year after year, I made resolutions:
My New Years Resolution is to have a perfect body.
LOL. That never happened.
My New Years Resolution is to have more patience.
My Moon is in Virgo. Read: patience is not my virtue. It’s literally IN THE STARS.
My New Years Resolution is to only eat non-processed, whole, real food!
Good luck Rach, that’s a pretty strict rule you’ve set there!
My New Years Resolution is to (insert unrealistic expectation of self here).
This year, as NYE started to roll around, I felt zero energy behind making resolutions. I have grown to really like who I am and how I function, and to accept the parts about me that maybe don’t function the way society expects them to. I’ve learned to be flexible — life is ALWAYS going to throw punches, and I’ve learned it’s wiser for me to prepare myself to adapt and change with life rather than fixate on one, holy, immovable goal.
Initially, I decided I wouldn’t do anything for NYE. I would ignore it completely. I’d drink sparkly rosé alone and watch no balls drop.
But I love tradition, and ritual, and ceremony. And even though I chose not to write resolutions, I wanted to honor the end of a year. I wanted to use the transition as an opportunity to reflect. So I decided that in lieu of New Years Resolutions, I would write New Years Reflections: I would find gratitude for this past year.
There is a BUTT-ton of research supporting the benefits of practicing gratitude. To name a few, practicing gratitude:
Increases joy
Improves relationships
Increases patience
Improves work performance
Improves sleep
Decreases depression
Increases exercise performance
Gee. The benefits of practicing gratitude sound an awful lot like what I usually make resolutions for. Could gratitude be the answer for all my unsolved resolutions? Could it be the foundation for actually accomplishing my goals, for setting broader and more reasonable expectations of myself? Could this BE any click-bait-ier?
Ok. Back to what I did: gratitude for the entire past year.
I know. You’re thinking, Rachel, that’s a LONG time to find gratitude for. Where did you start? What did you end up being grateful for? Or did you focus on yourself? Can you, just like, make the prompts for me?
Remember when I said my moon is in Virgo? My sun is in Capricorn. For anyone not as weirdly into astrology as me and my best friends (Co-Star Squad!), this is a recipe for a Type-A fuckstorm.
Of course I made prompts for you.
Here is the Gratitude Practice I did on NYE, and you can do it too. I filled in one answer for each prompt with some of my responses, because examples are helpful, and because…vulnerability-and-exposing-myself-to-the internet, YAY!
(I have changed the names of any people in my answers because anonymity is a virtue in this millennium.)
NEW YEARS EVE REFLECTION: GRATITUDE PRACTICE
This can be done alone, with a partner, or with friends. There is no right way to do it — there is only doing it.
Set up your space:
Create or find a space in your home that feels ceremonious to you. Grab some pillows and a cozy blanket and create a nook at the foot of your sofa. Build a fort in your living room. Curl up in your bed. Wherever you feel comfortable, safe, and cozy.
Soothe Your Senses:
Light candles. Burn incense. Play soft music, or ambient sounds that you find soothing but not too distracting. Dim the lights. Make a hot cup of tea or pour a cold grown-up bevie. Turn off your cell phone ringer or anything that might beep. These next several minutes are for you.
Grab a journal or paper and your favorite pens. Write down each prompt, then fill them in one by one. It’s time to reflect on the last year.
PROMPTS
Gratitude for How I’ve Grown
Write three gratitude statements about ways in which you have grown over the last year, and why you are grateful for that growth.
1. I’m grateful I learned the difference between dependence and support, because it allowed me to learn to care for myself at the deepest level.
2.
3.
Gratitude for Challenges I’ve Faced
Write three gratitude statements for challenges you’ve faced, and why you are grateful for them.
1. I’m grateful for the challenge of being in countries where I don’t speak the language, because it made me appreciate the gift of communication.
2.
3.
Gratitude for People
Write gratitude statements for three different people, and why you are grateful for them over this past year.
1. I’m grateful to my four best friends (yeah it’s four humans, not one, so I broke my own rules) who always showed up for me from across the globe, who modeled courage and vulnerability for me, and who found ways to make me laugh even when we weren’t in the same city, because it reminded me no matter where I am, I’m never alone.
2.
3.
Gratitude for Big Wins
Write three gratitude statements for ways you’ve won big — successes, accomplishments, or overcoming something big.
1. I’m grateful I finally figured out the cause (and solution) for my digestive issues! Booyah!
2.
3.
Gratitude for My Body
Write three gratitude statements for your body from this past year, and why you are grateful.
1. I’m grateful for my body’s uncanny resilience and ability to heal herself, because I’m reminded of what a gift it is to have a working body.
2.
3.
Gratitude for What I Learned
Write three gratitude statements for what you learned from this past year, and why.
1. I’m grateful I learned I have absolute ZERO control of the future, because letting go of what will or won’t happen has left me so much happier and freer from anxiety.
2.
3.
Gratitude for The Year at Large
Write three, overarching gratitude statements about the whole year.
1. I’m so grateful I had the courage to sell everything I own, leave my life in the states, and get on the back of my husband’s motorcycle to travel. My life will never be the same.
2.
3.
Once you have finished, take a moment to go back and read each statement out loud. This really solidifies each reflection, and seals the gratitude into your body and mind. If you did the exercise with someone, share your answers with each other (if you are comfortable).
I noticed, when looking back at what I’d written, how little I could have predicted any of what was on the pages. I started 2019 believing my life was going to look one way, and it took SEVERAL drastic turns.
What a wild ride it’s been. And gratitude allows me the opportunity to really appreciate 2019 for all it was, and trust that 2020 only has more drastic and equally gratifying turns in store.
If you’re looking for a way to bring in the new year with all that juicy, traditional, ceremonious pleasure without the pressure and expectations of resolutions, I invite you to practice gratitude.
You can absolutely do this on New Years Day, and even days after. The point is to use the symbolism of transition, of endings, and of beginnings as a starting point to reflect on the last three-hundred days (give or take 56). There are no rules. This is your life. This is your year.
Happy Coping.