How To Cope Ahead For Any Situation

I was officially diagnosed with an Eating Disorder in 2015. At the time, I was so entrenched in my pathology, I couldn’t parse through what was my eating disorder, what was reality, what was perfectionism, what was anxiety, what was stemming from my childhood, and what was circumstance of society: it was a total fuckstorm.

When I entered into treatment, I had never heard of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which was the primary modality at my eating disorder recovery center.

DBT is like the motherland of therapy: It brings together the best tools from mindfulness, CBT, existential therapy, behavioral therapy, and more. There are dozens of therapeutic tools in the DBT model--so many that I can’t remember them all. Several, however, have stuck with me for life, including Coping Ahead. 

What is Coping Ahead

Coping Ahead is a skill designed to help people prepare for stressful situations, encounters, or events (Linehan, n.d.). If you had asked me in 2015 if this was a skill I needed, I would have said no. I would have told you that I don’t get stressed out going to big events. I would have said, “I’m social, so I don’t get anxiety when meeting new people!” “Sure, I have some negative thoughts, but I don’t get anxious, so I don’t need to prepare for that possibility.”

LOL. 

What I didn’t realize was how deeply entrenched my anxiety was in my eating disorder. I controlled my food intake in order to fend off anxiety. To deal with anxiety when I unsuccessfully prevented it, I overate. To deal with the anxiety from overeating, I controlled my food intake. You can see how I would have assumed that this cycle had everything to do with food, and nothing to do with anxiety. 

But the chicken and egg analogy doesn’t apply here: Because what comes first is anxiety. I used food, shaping and molding my body, and focusing on goals around looking a certain way in order to manage my anxiety. 

When I learned about the Coping Ahead skill, my therapist asked me to think about upcoming events or encounters that might cause me stress. After a good chunk of silence (because shutting down in therapy is my forte), I mumbled, “maybe seeing my friend, and telling her I’m in this program.” 

“Great.” My therapist said. Great? Ok, not sure why that’s great Marsha (not my therapist’s name, but if Marsha Linehan, creator of DBT and all that is holy was my therapist, that would be ok). “Why might this be stressful to you?”

Not-Marsha had me list out what could be stressful about the encounter. 

My friend won’t think I’m thin enough to have an eating disorder.

She might not take me seriously.
What if she just says nothing?
It will be awkward.
She’ll never see me the same way: I’ll always be “damaged” or “broken” to her. 

Not-Marsha then introduced Coping Ahead to me. “Now Rachel, this is the kind of situation, that even though it doesn’t relate to food, body image, or weight, might trigger your eating disorder. If you don’t cope ahead for this scenario, you will feel anxious before, during, and after. Right now, you only know how to deal with anxiety using your eating disorder. So we are going to teach you new ways to deal with your anxiety. The first way is Coping Ahead.”

Coping Ahead became a game changer for me.

I started to increase my awareness around stressful situations and events. I gained more clarity on how to identify and prepare for these types of situations. Not only that, but I learned through practice that I was capable of using other tools to deal with anxiety besides my eating disorder.

Coping Ahead is a brilliant tool that anyone can use--even if you don’t suffer from severe anxiety. We could all use a little help in preparing for stressful situations. 

Over the years, I have developed a routine of how I cope ahead. It is not verbatim what is instructed in DBT--it draws on other therapeutic tools and skills while still following the essential model of DBT’s Cope Ahead skill.

When to Use Coping Ahead

Use the Cope Ahead skills when you are headed into any situation that you know might cause you any kind of negative emotion. Some examples of situations that might trigger anxiety, insecurity, frustration, negative self-worth, etc:

  • Holiday dinner with lots of family members

  • Seeing an ex-partner

  • The first day of school

  • Social events with new people

  • Taking an exam

  • Attending a party with lots of people you haven’t seen in a long time

  • The DMV (I’m not kidding)

  • A long flight or bus ride

  • Going to a wedding

  • Arriving in a new country

Different situations/encounters will trigger different people for different reasons. (Say different again.) For example, I have a history of eating disorder pathology. This means situations that have free food (BBQs), lots of people eating (family dinners), people in bathing suits (the beach), or naked bodies (locker rooms) are going to trigger all kinds of anxiety for me. These are situations I need to cope ahead for.

Whatever the case, it’s important to identify situations that cause you stress so you can cope ahead for them.

How to Cope Ahead

Coping Ahead, for me, is really all about building awareness, affirming positive parts of self, and accepting what we can’t control. Here is how I Cope Ahead for a stressful situation.

Identify the Stressful Situation

I always start by asking myself, “Is there something that is going to happen today or this week that might cause me some stress?” I list out any possible events or encounters I might want to prepare for. 

Identify the Stressors in the Situation

For each situation, I identify what the specific stressors of that event might be. For example, if the event I am coping ahead for is a writing deadline (oh, guess what, that IS a stressful situation in my life right now), my stressors might include:

  • Fearing I won’t have enough time to write it

  • I might feel like I’m not qualified for the job

  • Worrying about whether I did a good enough job

  • Anxiety about knowing where to start

  • What if I get feedback that it’s not what they asked for?

Prepare for the Stressors: Affirm Your Strengths and Accept What You Cannot Control

Once you’ve identified your stressors, you’ll start to notice that some of them are real, potential occurrences, and some of them are thoughts you have about the event.

With thoughts I’m having about the event, I create some affirmations that I can easily draw on if and when those anxious thoughts arrive. Affirmations are a powerful tool in increasing self-worth, confidence, and belief in ones abilities (Positive Psychology, 2019). I can’t think of a better way to bolster a potentially stressful encounter than with some confidence-boosters.

For example, “I’m not qualified for this job,” is an anxious thought that might come up while writing for my deadline. An affirmation to counter this might be, “I was hired for a reason: they trust me to do this job and do it well, and I can.” Read this nifty article for more info on writing affirmations.

For stressors that actually might occur, like getting feedback that the article isn’t what was asked of me, I can practice acceptance. Acceptance is a big theme in many therapeutic interventions, particularly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Accepting what you cannot possibly control has huge benefits on decreasing anxiety, and I have found it to be majorly helpful in reducing mine (Coto-Lesmes, Fernández-Rodríguez, & González-Fernández, 2019).

In this example, I really can’t control how my employer will respond to my article. I can accept that. Accepting that as a possible outcome creates space for me to release the urge to overwork, perfect, and worry the entire time I write. I then have permission to do my best to write a good article that follows the guidelines, with less stress and less pressure.

If the article ends up not being what they were hoping for, that will be ok: I can accept that. The likelihood of me getting stressed and anxious in response to that outcome also decreases significantly. 

I now practice Coping Ahead every morning. I Cope Ahead for anything in my day that might trigger stress or anxiety.

I have noticed since starting how much less impacted I am by stressors when they arise, even if I didn’t cope ahead for them. This is because the act of Coping Ahead is stretching, strengthening, and training the muscles in my brain that respond to stress. I am simply more effective at reacting without a stress-response.

And as a result, I have, like, way more chill.

Have any questions about Coping Ahead? Hit me up in the comments!

Happy Coping!

XO -Rachel

References

Coto-Lesmes, R., Fernández-Rodríguez, C., & González-Fernández, S. (2019, December 2). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in group format for anxiety and depression. A systematic review. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032719308717.

Linehan, M. (n.d.). Cope Ahead Skill. Retrieved from https://dbt.tools/emotional_regulation/cope-ahead.php.

Positive Daily Affirmations: Is There Science Behind It? (2019, July 4). Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/daily-affirmations/.

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